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Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto Hardcover – May 9, 2023

by Zachary Zane (Author)
4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 250 ratings
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**A 2024 LAMBDA LITERARY AWARD FINALIST**

“Zachary Zane is one of the best sex writers working today.” —Dan Savage, New York Times bestselling author

Named a Most Anticipated LGBTQ+ Book of the Year by Buzzfeed

A sex and relationship columnist bares it all in a series of essays—part memoir, part manifesto—that explore the author’s coming-of-age and coming out as a bisexual man and move toward embracing and celebrating sex unencumbered by shame.

As a boy, Zachary Zane sensed that all was not right when images of his therapist naked popped into his head. Without an explanation as to why, a deep sense of shame pervaded these thoughts. Though his therapist assured him a little imagination was nothing to be ashamed of, over the years, society told him otherwise.

Boyslut is a series of personal and tantalizing essays that articulate how our society still shames people for the sex that they have and the sexualities that they inhabit. Through the lens of his bisexuality and much self-described sluttiness, Zane breaks down exactly how this sexual shame negatively impacts the sex and relationships in our lives, and through personal experience, shares how we can unlearn the harmful, entrenched messages that society imparts to us.

From stories of drug-fueled threesomes and risqué Grindr hookups to insights on dealing with rejection and living with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s wife, Boyslut is reassuring and often painfully funny—but is most potently a testimony that we can all learn to live healthier lives unburdened by stigma.
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  1. Print length
    240 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Harry N. Abrams
  4. Publication date
    May 9, 2023
  5. Dimensions
    5.95 x 1.1 x 8.5 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1419764713
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1419764714
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Zachary Zane . . . has written this refreshing collection of personal essays as an effort to get to the root of the sexual shame that runs rampant in American culture and help others lead more shame-free lives. Accessible, engaging, and genuinely hilarious, these essays are as titillating as they are educational.”
―BUZZFEED, 24 of the Most Anticipated LGBTQ+ Books of 2023

"From sharing how a sex toy saved his love life to detailing his polyamory journey, Zachary Zane, a sex columnist for Men’s Health and Cosmopolitan US, has made his name in witty entries about his life. A self-described “memoir and manifesto” Zane pours his life lessons into easy, accessible essays, tackling subjects of bisexuality, STIs, sexual shame and much more. You’ll put down Boyslut having learned a little more about the ways we discuss sexuality and, thanks to Zane’s colourful anecdotes, enjoy some sex-positive storytelling."―Zoya Raza-Sheikh, GAY TIMES, The 10 best LGBTQ+ books of 2023

“Zane pushes the envelope . . . His arguments about the complications of bisexual visibility are particularly salient.”
―PUBLISHERS WEEKLY

“The author succeeds at candidly detailing and measuring the value of his sexual exploits . . . Zane provides an enlightening glossary of common and lesser-known sexual terminology . . . His emphatic discourses on erotic liberation, the misunderstood bisexual community, and overcoming sexual shame are credible and noteworthy.”
―KIRKUS REVIEWS

“[A] lively examination of all things sexual . . . His observations are lucid, fearlessly candid, informative, and, well, wise. This doesn’t mean they are in any way didactic—they're always accessible, often funny, and, best of all, they leave the reader with the admonishment that “being kind doesn’t cost you a dime.”
―BOOKLIST

“An exercise in shamelessness (that’s a point of pride for Zane and should not be read as an insult), the book details the vast sex life of the bisexual writer. Most fascinating, I thought, was the casual way it traced Zane’s sexual evolution, from considering himself straight to bicurious to bi to polyamorous. Landing on an identity need not be one’s final stop–it can be just the step before the next one, and part of the point of life (at least in my opinion) is to keep growing. Come, watch Zachary Zane grow.” ―JEZEBEL

"Companionable, astute, hilarious, honest, and heartfelt."―ATTITUDE MAGAZINE

“Cocky, comic, and clearly heartfelt, Boyslut offers a vision of non-toxic modern masculinity that allows for all the quirks, kinks, and fetishes one’s dirty mind desires.”
―PASSPORT MAGAZINE

“Zachary Zane is a FABULOUS queer writer and thinker who’s doing the Lord’s work by promoting bi-visibility, teaching the children about polyamory, and helping the LGBTQ+ community—and really, all people—learn how to become their best authentic selves.”
―BILLY PORTER, actor, singer, and author

“Zachary Zane is one of the best sex writers working today. He has a unique ability to balance humor with a deep appreciation for the vulnerability and humanity of his subjects. And reading about Zane’s own sexual adventures is like getting invited to Sunday brunch by your wittiest, sluttiest, funniest friend and getting to listen to him recount his crazy weekend.”
―DAN SAVAGE, sex columnist and New York Times bestselling author

“In a world where sexuality and masculinity are often misunderstood and conflated, Zachary Zane manages to use his own unique experiences to knock down stigmas and expand what it means to have a healthy relationship with sex. His honest approach is a welcome reprieve from the messages of our youth and his self-exploration not only encourages but enables us to do our own.”―ALLISON RASKIN, podcaster and New York Times bestselling author

“Zachary is so adept at creating and maintaining exuberant and generative community in spaces that typically feel isolating or forbidding. In the same way, his writing is an invitation that bridges divides. I live for his verve, his no-holds-barred revelations, and his wisdom.”―R. ERIC THOMAS, national bestselling author

“As charming as it is singular, Zachary's voice is one that is sorely needed in culture. His honesty, candor, analysis, and erotic chaos are a blessing to us all.”―JACOB TOBIA, national bestselling author

Review

“As charming as it is singular, Zachary's voice is one that is sorely needed in culture. His honesty, candor, analysis, and erotic chaos are a blessing to us all.” ― JACOB TOBIA, national bestselling author

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harry N. Abrams (May 9, 2023)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 240 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1419764713
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1419764714
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.95 x 1.1 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 250 ratings

About the author

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Zachary Zane

Zachary Zane

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Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based columnist, sex expert, and activist whose work focuses on sexuality, culture, and the LGBTQ community. He is the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto and co-author of Men’s Health: Best. Sex. Ever.

He currently has two columns: “Sexplain It,” the sex and relationship advice column at Men’s Health, and “Navigating Non-Monogamy” at Cosmopolitan, where he shares all the mistakes he’s made in his polyamory journey so you don’t have to.

He is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Boyslut zine, which publishes real sex stories from kinksters worldwide. His work has been published in The New York Times, Rolling Stone, The Washington Post, GQ, Playboy, Slate, Cosmo, Bustle, VICE, NBC, Dazed, The Daily Beast, and many others.

He was formerly a digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and a contributing editor at Pride.com, Plus Magazine, and The Advocate Magazine.

As a leading bisexual activist, Zane has spoken across the country at universities and panels alike, discussing issues pertaining to the bisexual community, sex-positivity, and ethical non-monogamy.

He attended the "Bisexual White House Briefing" at the White House (under Obama) and has been featured as an expert on a number of podcasts, including "The Savage Lovecast" and “Whoreible Decisions.”

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
4.2 out of 5
250 global ratings
Hilarious & Liberating!
5 Stars
Hilarious & Liberating!
I recently had the absolute pleasure of reading this book. This memoir deserves ALL the accolades. It was a rollercoaster ride of laughter, love, introspection and empowerment. I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone seeking a funny, heartwarming and transformative reading experience. Kudos to Zane for his authenticity. I’m excited to see more from him!
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Top reviews from the United States

Dirk Walden
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful and affirming
Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2024
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The title is definitely an attention grabber but damn this book is well written, insightful and personal. I am an out married bi man and this book was affirming. The experiences and feelings the author had where so close to mine and so many other bisexual men's. It was fun to read, reread and talk about. I look forward to reading it again.
I really like the unapologetic, self confident style and the information in the book.
3 people found this helpful
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Wife of Worcester
4.0 out of 5 stars A wild ride
Reviewed in the United States on March 3, 2024
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Zachary Zane has been my favorite sex writer for a while.
This book is not for the fainthearted. It is very explicit. It is more parts manifesto than memoir.
It made me jealous of the libertine lifestyle.
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Anthony Pescara
5.0 out of 5 stars Sexual, Vulnerable, Funny, BRILLIANT!
Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2023
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Zachary Zane is truly a talented, fabulous, amazing queer sex writer, who is making an impact in today’s society. He brings polyamory and bisexual visibility to the table, while pushing the limit, with descriptive, shameless, passionate, intimate details that bare all. Zachary uses his voice in this memoir and manifesto, to help others break barriers within themselves and feel more at ease with their own desires, explorations, kinks, etc. Deep down everyone is a slut in their own way, accept it, embrace it, and pick up this book today! Once you begin reading it, you wont be able to stop…
4 people found this helpful
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leostor
3.0 out of 5 stars Superb and Weak at the same time
Reviewed in the United States on November 30, 2023
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I am so grateful and at the same time mad to Zach for this book.

I am grateful because it helps put bisexuals in the map in a unique way. I also appreciate his candor and his shameless openness about his sexual life. It is liberating for others, including myself.

On the other hand, I wish Zach and his editors would have taken the process of writing a book of this magnitude more seriously. It is not very well researched. For example, some statements are factually incorrect (e.g.,some of OCD terminology, symptomatology, and diagnosis), many claims from studies are not referenced either. I wish I could look more into the sources where he is getting this information.

The book also does not present a coherent development, and the chapter organisation seems choppy. I agree with other reviews that the tone may appear arrogant at times. For example, in two or three occasions, the author mentions he is muscular, which is not exactly the adjective I would use for someone of his complexion. Therefore, it leaves you wondering why he places so much emphasis on it.

Even though the intention and the content of this book is wonderful in itself, it feels as if it was rushed to be published.

I understand the tone of the book is supposed to be irreverent and "slutish," which is fine; however, I feel it would have had much more impact and would be taken more seriously if written in a more professional format.

When one writes something that is expected, hoped, to become a best-seller, one needs to be responsible enough to do some serious research to ensure that there is no misinformation, even if the topic (e.g., OCD) is not the main theme of the book. One also needs to be responsible of one's words as we never know who will be reading them. If this is the only or first source a teen has on bisexuality and sex, it would not be prudent to overtly champion sex without protection as the author does. I get it, it's his personal preference and he is entitled to it; however, he then also has to take responsibility of some of the potential consequences of overtly selling that information.
7 people found this helpful
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Geoffrey Prince
5.0 out of 5 stars Sexy. Fun. Important
Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2023
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Since its announcement, I have been anxiously looking forward to reading Boy Slut. I’ve enjoyed Zachary Zane’s articles for a long while and this glimpse inside his/our sexual world delivers. The book is funny. The book is a turn on. The book is (extremely) informative and eye opening. The author bares all in a biographical string of essays that explore the author’s coming-of-age as a bisexual (and beyond) man. Zane details in very intimate details his personal sexual struggle(s) and then in a very non-boastful way his vast sexual adventures and life. It’s a fun read as he narrates his sexual evolution – from straight to bicurious to bi to polyamorous. Establishing an identity that is about constantly evolving. This is an absolute celebration of sex/sexual identity unencumbered by shame. I found myself looking inward a lot during this read, remembering myself at the author’s age and the very different world I lived in. Zane can (and does) embraces every sexual opportunity that interests him, and I cannot applaud that enough. I hope this book finds itself with those struggling with their own sexual identity. I think this book is way more important than the ‘boy slut’ flash and fun it might first suggest.
8 people found this helpful
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Jeshua
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspiring memoir on bisexuality, mental health, and identity
Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2023
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Zachary Zane's memoir is a blend of wit and heartfelt sincerity that is both inspiring and educational — taking the lessons he’s learned from his (famously) bisexual life and sharing insights about sex, identity, and mental health that are relevant for everyone. He writes with a distinctive mix of earnestness, intelligence, and vulnerability, peppering the narrative with plenty of good jokes and delicious anecdotes that’ll keep you reading (or make you take a break). There is a distinct lack of visibly (or audibly) bisexual men in our public sphere, and even fewer quality books that delve into their experiences. Zane's work is a rare gem in this regard. I personally found this book a powerful affirmation of my identity as a recently out bisexual man. It truly is inspiring and I recommend for all.
6 people found this helpful
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Austin Pierce
4.0 out of 5 stars Visibility for a Bi Men
Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2023
Like the book Greedy, I didn’t identify with the behavior of the protagonist, but I appreciated adding another life story in the canon of bisexual memoirs—especially those available on audiobook.

There’s a lot of stereotype threat here. For example, the author’s inability to be satisfied by any of his romantic partners. But we are becoming less a less a monolith. So there is more and more room for all kinds of representation.

As someone who is bi but also identifies as a snob, it’s hard to relate to the sheer number of partners he’s had. But the bi visibility (or in his words “audibility”) was good for my soul.

Visibility for a bi man is always in short supply.
4 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

R.Shaw
5.0 out of 5 stars Could not put it down
Reviewed in Canada on August 7, 2023
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Reading Boyslut felt like having a long, slightly inebriated catchup with a close friend. It's funny, and honest and compassionate. I wish it didn't have to end, it was such a good time.
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O baixinho
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book, important issues!
Reviewed in Germany on June 23, 2023
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Can’t wait for the next one
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Shawn Ladd
5.0 out of 5 stars Everybody Wang Chung tonight
Reviewed in Canada on May 20, 2023
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Read if you like the Ethical Slut, Savage Love, or vintage Penthouse Forum.
Zane's book is a blueprint for a new type of community where Bi and Pan people can be fully themselves AND make all the other kids welcome in the sandbox. I am down for it and up for it!😁
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Peter Herold
4.0 out of 5 stars Great deshaming of male bisexuality & of sex in general
Reviewed in Germany on July 8, 2023
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Thanks to Zach’s journey and its fraysexual, polyamorous endpoint we bisexual men - including those in monogamous long-terms relationships like me - can find company and validation and not the all-too-common AA-type sharing he once attended in Boston 😱. Very trans & nb inclusive 😃.
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Steve
1.0 out of 5 stars I love a good gay book,, This on is gay...
Reviewed in Canada on December 26, 2023
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I love a good gay book... this one is gay...
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