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The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure Paperback – October 30, 2014
Purchase options and add-ons
- Print length256 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateOctober 30, 2014
- Dimensions6 x 0.58 x 9 inches
- ISBN-100692323767
- ISBN-13978-0692323762
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., author of Sex at Dawn
"I love every page of The Bonobo Way. The book is a real page turner and turn on. Block's vivid descriptions of bonobo sex and peaceful living through mutual sexual gratification should be mandatory reading for everyone struggling to maintain joy in their lives and live life to its fullest."Christian Bruyère, Champions of the Wild
"Bravo to Dr. Block for paving the way for a hopefully more bonobo future. The Bonobo Way is a playful but insightful glimpse into our own sexuality and what we can learn from our closest, perhaps superior, relatives."Vanessa Woods, author of Bonobo Handshake
"The Bonobo Wayis marvelous--a happy book for a happy life and a happier world."Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker
"Brilliant book. Enjoying it thoroughly!"
Sherry Rehman, Former Pakistani Ambassador to the United States
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Gardner & Daughters Publishers (October 30, 2014)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 256 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0692323767
- ISBN-13 : 978-0692323762
- Item Weight : 12.6 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.58 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,958,498 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,546 in Medical Psychology of Sexuality
- #2,437 in Psychology & Counseling Books on Sexuality
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. "Dr. Suzy," is a world-renowned sexologist and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences based in Los Angeles. An award-winning filmmaker and talk show host best known for her HBO specials, she is the author of numerous articles, essays, short stories and books, as well as a sex therapist in private practice with a global clientele. A leading champion in the causes of sexual freedom and saving the inspirational but highly endangered bonobos, Dr. Block practices and promotes peace through pleasure: The Bonobo Way. She is also the founder of the sex-positive, bonobo-supportive social media site, Bonoboville.com, and host of The Dr. Susan Block Show which can be seen and heard live every Saturday night from 10:30pm to midnight (Pacific Time) on DrSuzy.tv. Married over 22 years, Dr. Block collaborates on all her projects with her husband and prime mate, Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz. She also loves bananas, though not as much as bonobos... or Max.
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Susan M. Block's research is very significant too. The book proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Bonobos are the missing link in the natural chain that connects bisexuality, polyamory, and ecosexuality. The bi love that reaches beyond genders and the poly love that reaches beyond numbers are just preludes to the ecosexual love that reaches beyond genders, numbers, orientations, ages, races, origins, species, and biological realms, to embrace all of life as a partner with significant and enduring rights. Which is exactly what Bonobos do, and what we humans could also do if only we were more willing to learn from our amorous cousins.
There is no history of interspecies murder among the members of this species. Isn’t that something? And all styles of recreational sex are practiced with the pleasurable result of effectively keeping the social peace. Bonobos are the cousin ape species that proves the power of a repressed aspect of human nature we would do well to embrace more fully: the one that loves love and is loved back with the gift of peace.
Bonobo, reasons Dr. Suzy, are also the non-human species whose culture proves that "nature" is replete with all forms of sexual and amorous expression well beyond what's required for the continuation of individual genes. There is nothing more natural to Bonobos than practicing what has for way too long been considered "perverse" in humans, including such feats as erotic expression between males, between females, among multiple players, across generations, and with the added options of anal pleasure and of making out in full public view. How interesting for those who disapprove of these behaviors in humans as "unnatural." More observation of "nature" reveals the ideological meaning of Darwinian concepts of evolution through competition. When Capitalism is dressed as “science” it can pass as a poor justifications for violence with a touch of Victorian prudishness.
Are we really the pinnacle of evolution and the species "made in god's image"? Or are we just one of many ape species who would do well to leave that pedestal voluntarily before our hubris destroys the lover we all share: Gaia, or the third planet Earth?
We’ll leave the answer to your wisdom. Meanwhile, aping the apes may provide all the experiential knowledge one needs. And as you get to read this highly recommended book, you’ll be blessed with more lessons from the art of analytical observation as practiced by Dr. Suzy. Her research on Bonobos proves that the kind of amorous behaviors many of us believe to be the exclusive mark of human love are actually natural in a much wider sense. For instance, Bonobos practice their own style of French kissing, they make love face to face with abundant eye-to-eye gazing, they take care of each other when in need, while also enjoying abundant mutual grooming. Romantic, no? Perhaps, in defining our species as distinct from “nature” we have been a bit too hubristic too. How could we be the inventors of "true" love if our apish cousins do it too? And, if romance is just as natural as an orgy to Bonobos, could this wide range of erotic and amorous expression not be natural for us humans too? “No couple is an island,” claims Dr. Suzy. And of course it isn’t, as even old-pal Dante knew when he wrote: “love which will not absolve a beloved from loving someone in turn,” and then proceeded to explain that Paolo and Francesca kissed while turned on by the courtly love book they were reading. Perhaps love, as this ancient poet knew, is “the force that moves the sky and other stars.” It’s the ecology of life: the ecosexual energy that connects all live beings. Bonobos seem to have a real sense of this: they build social networks of mutual support and sustainability via erotic and amorous behavior. They honor wisdom, age, and femininity, which is another way to allow nature to inspire the arts of love.
This brings me to the very significant political point of the book. "The evolution of peace through pleasure" invoked by Dr. Suzy will really happen if we all get to release our inner Bonobo. In a process of Deleuzian reminiscence, Susan M. Block suggests we can resuscitate the "animal" within. As announced by the visionary French theorist, "becoming-animal" is the transformative process that sets the tone of humility, and yin energy, and vulnerability that will make our species more capable of learning from our more "natural" cousins. Let’s ask the ecosexual primates whose life is more connected to Gaia’s metabolism, the lover we all share. What can we do about the problems that besiege our time, including endless wars, climate change, and the relentlessness of extractive industries? Releasing our inner Bonobo may be it. “Evolving peace through pleasure? It’s just a pipe dream,” you may pout as you read this.
Well, here’s the good news. The Bonobo Way offers the scientific context to believe we can do it. It injects the humor that makes one want to act on this idea. And it provides the step-by-step guidance to actually engineer the transformation. How do we become “Bonobos”? The 12-step program designed by Dr. Suzy is very well engineered to evolve peace through pleasure on a personal and planetary scale. It leads Earthlings like us through the stages of observation, introspection, imitation and experimentation, creation of community, biophilia, and planetary awareness. Saving the Bonobos might very well save the peaceful animal that lives within. As a person who takes pride in living my life as an experiment in the ecosexual arts of love, I have enjoyed most of the practices described in the program and am eager to experiment with those that are new to me. My world has become a lot safer for that, healthier, happier, and one where I am at peace. I can’t recommend this book too much, and I wish a lot of joy to all those who follow Dr. Suzy’s wisdom.
Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?
This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.
The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.
In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.
Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.
It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.