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The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure Paperback – October 30, 2014

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 72 ratings

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In this unique and paradigm-changing book, internationally acclaimed and controversial sex educator Dr. Susan Block offers a brilliant new view of human sexuality, war, peace and community, inspired by a role model who isn’t even human: our closest genetic cousin, the bonobo. With a provocative, humorous and engaging style that makes science fun and ecology erotic, The Bonobo Way boldly asks: What do these great apes know about sex--and the rest of life--that we don’t? Here are some things we know about bonobos: They have lots of sex. They never kill each other. They empower the females. They stay younger longer. They live in peace through pleasure. And we thought humans were the smartest apes! For decades, experts have used the “killer ape” paradigm to explain why humans murder, make war, bomb and behead each other, and supposedly always will. Sure, our common chimp cousins kill, but do they tell the whole tale? Luckily, no. The Bonobo Way shows the other side of the story, presenting the bonobos as a new great ape paradigm for humanity that could change the world… or at least improve your love life. From the lush depths of the rainforest to the satin sheets of your bedroom, Dr. Block takes you on a fascinating journey, weaving stories, studies, theories and fantasies into possibilities and a practical path of action, presenting a very different kind of “12-Step Program” to release your “inner bonobo,” help save the real bonobos from extinction and energize all facets of your life. Advance Praise for The Bonobo Way: "First things first: this book is really good... The Bonobo Way is whimsical yet serious, easy to read yet thoroughly researched, challenging yet ultimately deeply comforting. Dr. Susan Block is living proof that bonobos aren’t just sexy and fun—some of them are damned smart, too." Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., best-selling author of Sex at Dawn “Bravo to Dr. Block for paving the way for a hopefully more bonobo future.” Vanessa Woods, best-selling author of Bonobo Handshake "The Bonobo Way is marvelous--a happy book for a happy life and a happier world." Xaviera Hollander, best-selling author of The Happy Hooker "Brilliant book. Enjoying it thoroughly!” Sherry Rehman, Former Pakistani Ambassador to the U.S. “I love every page of The Bonobo Way. The book is a real page turner and turn on. Susan Block’s vivid descriptions of bonobo sex and peaceful living through mutual sexual gratification should be mandatory reading for everyone struggling to maintain joy in their lives and live life to its fullest.” Christian Bruyère, "Champions of the Wild" TV producer "I love, love, love it. It is a fresh way to look at sexuality." Darrel Ray, Ed.D. author of Sex and God "Delightful and insightful” Betty Dodson, Ph.D., author of Sex for One & feminist icon “Amazing! Dr. Block is an eco-sex visionary.” Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., Eco-Sex Artist "Dr. Suzy's 12 Steps to Releasing Your Inner Bonobo are a guide to a new understanding of how to enhance our personal sexual life and intimate relationships." Robert L. McGinley, Ph.D., The Lifestyles Organization "Think of it as Jane Goodall After Dark. A fun and fascinating read.” Thomas Quinn, author of Chocolate Jesus? "Brilliantly presented...a rambunctious, shrewd, serious, yet humorous look at bonobo society." Michael Donnelly, Counterpunch environmentalistt "As the 21st century begins, with more violence and war than began what became the ultra-violent 20th century, Dr. Susan Block's latest book is a welcome tonic." Barry A. Fisher, Lead Counsel, U.S. Supreme Court cases "All those interested in human happiness should read this book." James W. Prescott, Ph.D., author of Body Pleasure and the Origins of Violence Whether you don’t know bonobos from bananas, or you think you know all about these amazing creatures, The Bonobo Way will show you the way to a happier, healthier, sexier life, and a more peaceful, sustainable culture.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"First things first: this book is really good... The Bonobo Wayis a very unusual book: whimsical yet serious, easy to read yet thoroughly researched, challenging yet ultimately deeply comforting. Dr. Susan Block is living proof that bonobos aren't just sexy and fun--some of them are damned smart, too."
Christopher Ryan, Ph.D., author of Sex at Dawn

"I love every page of
The Bonobo Way. The book is a real page turner and turn on. Block's vivid descriptions of bonobo sex and peaceful living through mutual sexual gratification should be mandatory reading for everyone struggling to maintain joy in their lives and live life to its fullest."Christian Bruyère, Champions of the Wild

"Bravo to Dr. Block for paving the way for a hopefully more bonobo future.
The Bonobo Way is a playful but insightful glimpse into our own sexuality and what we can learn from our closest, perhaps superior, relatives."Vanessa Woods, author of Bonobo Handshake

"
The Bonobo Wayis marvelous--a happy book for a happy life and a happier world."Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker

"Brilliant book. Enjoying it thoroughly!"
Sherry Rehman, Former Pakistani Ambassador to the United States

About the Author

Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. "Dr. Suzy," is a world-renowned sexologist and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences based in Los Angeles. An award-winning filmmaker and talk show host best known for her HBO specials, she is the author of numerous articles, essays, short stories and books, as well as a sex therapist in private practice with a global clientele. A leading champion in the causes of sexual freedom and saving the inspirational but highly endangered bonobos, Dr. Block practices and promotes peace through pleasure: The Bonobo Way. She is also the founder of the sex-positive, bonobo-supportive social media site, Bonoboville.com, and host of The Dr. Susan Block Show which can be seen and heard live every Saturday night from 10:30pm to midnight (Pacific Time) on DrSuzy.tv. Married over 22 years, Dr. Block collaborates on all her projects with her husband and prime mate, Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz. She also loves bananas, though not as much as bonobos... or Max.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Gardner & Daughters Publishers (October 30, 2014)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0692323767
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0692323762
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.58 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 72 ratings

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Susan Block
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Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. "Dr. Suzy," is a world-renowned sexologist and director of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences based in Los Angeles. An award-winning filmmaker and talk show host best known for her HBO specials, she is the author of numerous articles, essays, short stories and books, as well as a sex therapist in private practice with a global clientele. A leading champion in the causes of sexual freedom and saving the inspirational but highly endangered bonobos, Dr. Block practices and promotes peace through pleasure: The Bonobo Way. She is also the founder of the sex-positive, bonobo-supportive social media site, Bonoboville.com, and host of The Dr. Susan Block Show which can be seen and heard live every Saturday night from 10:30pm to midnight (Pacific Time) on DrSuzy.tv. Married over 22 years, Dr. Block collaborates on all her projects with her husband and prime mate, Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz. She also loves bananas, though not as much as bonobos... or Max.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
72 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2015
It is a real pleasure to read Dr. Susan M. Block's most recent book. It is a pleasure on all counts: the style is fun, humorous, at times satirical with a touch of the surreal. It is very warm, fuzzy, and down to Earth too, with its main points made very clear. The book's philosophy is meaningful, persuasive, and especially significant at this time in the evolution of our species, when we are in desperate need of new paradigms to shift toward more inclusive, fluid, and sustainable practices of love. Thanks Dr. Suzy!

Susan M. Block's research is very significant too. The book proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Bonobos are the missing link in the natural chain that connects bisexuality, polyamory, and ecosexuality. The bi love that reaches beyond genders and the poly love that reaches beyond numbers are just preludes to the ecosexual love that reaches beyond genders, numbers, orientations, ages, races, origins, species, and biological realms, to embrace all of life as a partner with significant and enduring rights. Which is exactly what Bonobos do, and what we humans could also do if only we were more willing to learn from our amorous cousins.

There is no history of interspecies murder among the members of this species. Isn’t that something? And all styles of recreational sex are practiced with the pleasurable result of effectively keeping the social peace. Bonobos are the cousin ape species that proves the power of a repressed aspect of human nature we would do well to embrace more fully: the one that loves love and is loved back with the gift of peace.

Bonobo, reasons Dr. Suzy, are also the non-human species whose culture proves that "nature" is replete with all forms of sexual and amorous expression well beyond what's required for the continuation of individual genes. There is nothing more natural to Bonobos than practicing what has for way too long been considered "perverse" in humans, including such feats as erotic expression between males, between females, among multiple players, across generations, and with the added options of anal pleasure and of making out in full public view. How interesting for those who disapprove of these behaviors in humans as "unnatural." More observation of "nature" reveals the ideological meaning of Darwinian concepts of evolution through competition. When Capitalism is dressed as “science” it can pass as a poor justifications for violence with a touch of Victorian prudishness.

Are we really the pinnacle of evolution and the species "made in god's image"? Or are we just one of many ape species who would do well to leave that pedestal voluntarily before our hubris destroys the lover we all share: Gaia, or the third planet Earth?

We’ll leave the answer to your wisdom. Meanwhile, aping the apes may provide all the experiential knowledge one needs. And as you get to read this highly recommended book, you’ll be blessed with more lessons from the art of analytical observation as practiced by Dr. Suzy. Her research on Bonobos proves that the kind of amorous behaviors many of us believe to be the exclusive mark of human love are actually natural in a much wider sense. For instance, Bonobos practice their own style of French kissing, they make love face to face with abundant eye-to-eye gazing, they take care of each other when in need, while also enjoying abundant mutual grooming. Romantic, no? Perhaps, in defining our species as distinct from “nature” we have been a bit too hubristic too. How could we be the inventors of "true" love if our apish cousins do it too? And, if romance is just as natural as an orgy to Bonobos, could this wide range of erotic and amorous expression not be natural for us humans too? “No couple is an island,” claims Dr. Suzy. And of course it isn’t, as even old-pal Dante knew when he wrote: “love which will not absolve a beloved from loving someone in turn,” and then proceeded to explain that Paolo and Francesca kissed while turned on by the courtly love book they were reading. Perhaps love, as this ancient poet knew, is “the force that moves the sky and other stars.” It’s the ecology of life: the ecosexual energy that connects all live beings. Bonobos seem to have a real sense of this: they build social networks of mutual support and sustainability via erotic and amorous behavior. They honor wisdom, age, and femininity, which is another way to allow nature to inspire the arts of love.

This brings me to the very significant political point of the book. "The evolution of peace through pleasure" invoked by Dr. Suzy will really happen if we all get to release our inner Bonobo. In a process of Deleuzian reminiscence, Susan M. Block suggests we can resuscitate the "animal" within. As announced by the visionary French theorist, "becoming-animal" is the transformative process that sets the tone of humility, and yin energy, and vulnerability that will make our species more capable of learning from our more "natural" cousins. Let’s ask the ecosexual primates whose life is more connected to Gaia’s metabolism, the lover we all share. What can we do about the problems that besiege our time, including endless wars, climate change, and the relentlessness of extractive industries? Releasing our inner Bonobo may be it. “Evolving peace through pleasure? It’s just a pipe dream,” you may pout as you read this.

Well, here’s the good news. The Bonobo Way offers the scientific context to believe we can do it. It injects the humor that makes one want to act on this idea. And it provides the step-by-step guidance to actually engineer the transformation. How do we become “Bonobos”? The 12-step program designed by Dr. Suzy is very well engineered to evolve peace through pleasure on a personal and planetary scale. It leads Earthlings like us through the stages of observation, introspection, imitation and experimentation, creation of community, biophilia, and planetary awareness. Saving the Bonobos might very well save the peaceful animal that lives within. As a person who takes pride in living my life as an experiment in the ecosexual arts of love, I have enjoyed most of the practices described in the program and am eager to experiment with those that are new to me. My world has become a lot safer for that, healthier, happier, and one where I am at peace. I can’t recommend this book too much, and I wish a lot of joy to all those who follow Dr. Suzy’s wisdom.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 4, 2015
The Bonobo Way, by Dr. Susan Block is, among other things, deeply thought-provoking and I do not use that phrase in the hackneyed sense, but to describe a far more recondite process. Harold Bloom calls it a difficult pleasure, or the reader’s sublime, and it involves the way in which certain books can give us strong temporary insights into the great mysteries that populate our lives and the world. We can never fully understand death or love or the impulse toward faith, and practical treatises only attempt to reduce these irreducible phenomena to the point of rendering themselves absurd. Our grasp may only be tentative and is best aided by hints and figures and metaphors, and by the marriage of the intellect and the senses. Reading this book gave me the impression while reading it that I had a clearer understanding of the mysterious relationship between sexuality and society, and Dr. Block’s poetry in this case are her marvelous simian comrades. As soon as I put the book down, I felt I understood relationship less than I thought I did while I was reading it. That is the mark of a very good book.

Dr. Block’s ostensible quest is to wrest the meaning of the word “natural” from the polemicists and oppressors who would use it to describe their own political stance toward marriage and sexuality, when in fact nature herself is far more complex, varied, perverse, and capricious. As this book so marvelously indicates, perhaps our closest relatives in nature live a largely pacifist, polyamorous, sexually active, almost orgiastic tribal existence. Male-female monogamy is not in their nature, as much or more than it has not been the paradigm throughout human history, and even more likely, our prehistory. The Bonobo Way succeeds as much as is possible on this mission. These battle lines are already pretty hardened, so only the curious may be convinced, while for the open-minded it is preaching to the converted. And for the close-minded, well, who gives a rodent’s posterior?

This last sentence is to illustrate that one of the most charming things about this book is the voice, which is at once highly intellectual, very breezy, definitely flirtatious, profoundly sexual, consistently cheerful, and exacting in its word choice and fact dissemination. If this is not the definition of a perfect date, I do not know what is. And in this case, your date is mashing her body up against the glass case at the San Diego Zoo, because that is what the bonobo female on the other side is doing. If this does not charm you, then you will not long be a virgin.

The second half of the book is a how-to, which I think is very valuable for those who are curious. If you are already in touch with your inner Bonobo, and it is not that far, or deep, inside, then it is still entertaining and informative. But it is the first half of the book that makes one think. Specific elements, such as the baboon troupe that begins to behave like bonobos after it loses all its alpha males or the discussion of the way in which the bonobos developed differently than their chimpanzee neighbors across the Congo River, point to the way in which nature is not necessarily hard-wired, that that societal structures can dramatically change. This is Dr. Block’s point, that if we become more sexually open there will be more peace. But it is the poetry that is hidden that is most provocative, and which seems to say we are already heading in that direction.

In the Seventies and earlier, swingers’ clubs may have been about some guys looking to have more female lovers and dragging their mates along as the ticket for admission. But that “lifestyle” is now all about the women. The females make the decisions now, just as they do in bonobo society. There are more female CEOs than ever before. A woman is the most likely candidate to be President, and most importantly, women have been outnumbering men in college admission and even more in graduation. We seem to be approaching what Malcolm Gladwell calls a tipping point, which is what happened with public opinion on marriage equality. It was a minority viewpoint that grew until it tipped the scale and became an overwhelming majority. And the opening up of sexual customs, particularly with birth control, is related to the empowerment of women. It may be that the glass ceiling will shatter into pieces one day. Women will be in charge, there will certainly be fewer wars, and men will be happier because they will get more of what they have always wanted, just by being nice guys and not feeling like they have to compete.

Their mothers, to whom they stay close all their lives, apparently teach this to bonobo juvenile males. Juvenile females move out of the clan. This might be a true matriarchy, and a happy one at that. Bonobo mothers raise their sons to be cooperative and compassionate, rather than competitive and aggressive. These sons grow up to be adult males who are larger and stronger than the females, but who bend to the feminine will, usually as expressed by females who band together. And they are rewarded for their compassion and cooperation by having sexual access to many bonobo females.

It is a thought-provoking book, to say the least.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2015
I bought this book for my Kindle to read while on a trip and was so impressed with Dr. Susan Block's research, writing and presentation of this important topic that I purchased 5 hard copy versions to give as holiday presents. I am an erotica writer and have been involved in sex-positive issues for many years, so the Bonobo Way is not new to me, but what impressed me most about Dr. Block's book is that she's pulled it all together in one easily read volume that moves along in parallel with her personal voyage of discovery. There are elements of many other great books in here (Sex at Dawn...) and the Bibliography and Acronyms and Abbreviations alone are worth the price of admission. This book is a great resource, but goes much further - it's not just a summary of the state of sex research today. Dr, Block makes a compelling case that the majority of the problems we face today as a people and a planet could be solved with us embracing our Bonobo relatives and adopting their non-monogamous ways - which is should be noted - many of us are already doing - and now we have a powerful tool to help convince the doubters out there - this book. As I've pointed out to friends I've given this to, you don't have to follow all the steps and challenges the book presents all at once - pick and choose the ones that are right for you and you'll find that there are immediate benefits which can take you further - and if not - you're significantly better off to deal with all the challenges of modern love, lust and freedom. You'll be happier and more satisfied following the Bonobo Way. Every momentous journey begins with one small step, one small kiss, so take it - begin your odyssey down The Bonobo Way. Maybe we'll see you there...
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 5, 2015
The second book I have read about Bonobos a very interesting type of animal????
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Top reviews from other countries

Guido Dudle
5.0 out of 5 stars Best Book ever!
Reviewed in Germany on November 1, 2018
A Book with a life-chancheing impact
steve weddle
5.0 out of 5 stars where the females call the shots - and the males are glad of it
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 16, 2014
A superbly entertaining must read profile of our incredibly sexy cousins, the Bonobo Gorillas, and how their peace loving, free wheeling lifestyle, where the females call the shots - and the males are glad of it! - has much to teach us humans. Illuminating, sexy and fun. And Dr. Susan writes so beautifully Don't deny yourself this pleasure!!!
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