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The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias Hardcover – September 4, 2018
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“Finally: an engaging, evidence-based book about how to battle biases, champion diversity and inclusion, and advocate for those who lack power and privilege. Dolly Chugh makes a convincing case that being an ally isn’t about being a good person—it’s about constantly striving to be a better person.” —Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg
Foreword by Laszlo Bock, the bestselling author of Work Rules! and former Senior Vice President of People Operations at Google
An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.
Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, "semi-bold" person’s guide to fighting for what you believe in.
Dolly reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the "psychology of good people". Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers practical tools to respectfully and effectively talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don’t look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Being the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.
She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish— rather than good—person. Good-ish people are always growing. Second, she helps you find your "ordinary privilege"—the part of your everyday identity you take for granted, such as race for a white person, sexual orientation for a straight person, gender for a man, or education for a college graduate. This part of your identity may bring blind spots, but it is your best tool for influencing change. Third, Dolly introduces the psychological reasons that make it hard for us to see the bias in and around us. She leads you from willful ignorance to willful awareness. Finally, she guides you on how, when, and whom, to engage (and not engage) in your workplaces, homes, and communities. Her science-based approach is a method any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.
Whether you are a long-time activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. Through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, Dolly guides each of us closer to being the person we mean to be.
- Print length320 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHarper Business
- Publication dateSeptember 4, 2018
- Dimensions6 x 1.05 x 9 inches
- ISBN-100062692143
- ISBN-13978-0062692146
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Finally: an engaging, evidence-based book about how to battle biases, champion diversity and inclusion, and advocate for those who lack power and privilege. Dolly Chugh makes a convincing case that being an ally isn’t about being a good person—it’s about constantly striving to be a better person.” (Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg)
“Dolly Chugh applies the power of a growth mindset to work on equity and inclusion at a time when it is much-needed. The Person You Mean to Be is essential reading.” (Carol Dweck, bestselling author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success)
“This is a book for anyone who thinks of themselves as a pretty decent human being but who knows, deep in their heart, they could be better. A cocktail of stories and science that gets you thinking and, more important, gets you acting.” (Angela Duckworth, founder and CEO of Character Lab, and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance)
“Never has an author made it so easy to see our blind spots and the downsides of our best intentions. Dolly Chugh’s brilliant lens reveals the invisible, uncomfortable truths of ordinary privilege, yet offers a light that inspires and guides each of us to be the moral, inclusive leader we hope to be.” (Liz Wiseman, New York Times bestselling author of Multipliers and Rookie Smarts)
“Dolly Chugh helps us identify our ‘platform of privilege’ and guides us on how we can use this and other tools to create positive change. She encourages us to accentuate our strengths and to manage our weaknesses, and forces us to focus on being better and stronger in everything we do.” (Billie Jean King, social justice pioneer and tennis champion)
“Dolly Chugh has written the most important and actionable book on reducing bias that I have read. Using powerful and enduring findings from research on bias, she explains the reasons we fail to be the person we mean to be and provides prescriptions for managing the pitfalls of our humanness. This deeply personal book is a must-read.” (David Thomas, president of Morehouse College and author of Leading for Equity and Breaking Through)
“In authoritative yet accessible prose, social psychologist Dolly Chugh outlines how we can all make the indispensable shift from being ‘believers’ who live under the ideal of inclusion to being ‘builders’ who live up to that ideal. This book is both guide and gift.” (Kenji Yoshino, author of Speak Now: Marriage Equality on Trial; Chief Justice Earl Warren Professor of Constitutional Law, NYU School of Law)
From the Back Cover
An inspiring and accessible guide from an award-winning social psychologist on how to confront difficult issues, including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice, so that you can make the world (and yourself) better
Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, “semi-bold” person’s guide to fighting for what you believe in.
Dolly Chugh, a social psychologist and professor at the New York University Stern School of Business, reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the “psychology of good people.” Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers practical tools to respectfully and effectively talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don’t look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Becoming the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.
She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish — rather than good — person. Good-ish people are always growing. Her science-based approach is a method that any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.
Whether you are a longtime activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. We are guided, through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, to being the person we mean to be.
About the Author
Dr. Dolly Chugh is a Harvard educated, award-winning social psychologist at the NYU Stern School of Business, where she is an expert in the unconscious biases and unethical behavior of ordinary, good people.
Product details
- Publisher : Harper Business; 1st edition (September 4, 2018)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0062692143
- ISBN-13 : 978-0062692146
- Item Weight : 1.15 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 1.05 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #110,463 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #47 in Business Ethics (Books)
- #302 in Discrimination & Racism
- #373 in Popular Social Psychology & Interactions
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Dr. Dolly Chugh is a Harvard educated, award-winning social psychologist at the NYU Stern School of Business, where she is an expert researcher in the unconscious biases and unethical behavior of ordinary, good people. In her real life, she is trying just as hard as everyone else to be the person she means to be.
Laszlo Bock leads Google's people function, responsible for attracting, developing, retaining, and delighting "Googlers." He believes that giving people freedom and supplementing our instincts with hard science are steps on the path to making work meaningful and people happy. During Bock's tenure, Google has been named the Best Company to Work For more than 30 times around the world and received over 100 awards as an employer of choice. In 2010, he was named "Human Resources Executive of the Year" by HR Executive Magazine.
He is the author of "WORK RULES! Insights from Inside Google to Transform How You Live and Lead", available for pre-order on Barnes & Nobles' website (at least until Amazon and Hachette resolve their dispute). He has testified before Congress on immigration reform and labor issues and been featured in The Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the PBS Newshour and on the Today Show. Bock's earlier experience spans executive roles at the General Electric Company, management consulting at McKinsey & Company, start-ups, non-profits, and acting. He (briefly) held the world record for Greek Syrtaki dance (along with 1,620 others).
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book thought-provoking and informative, particularly appreciating its studies and facts about bias. They describe it as a well-researched and engaging read that blends compelling personal stories with actionable steps for readers. The writing style is clear and accessible, making it easy to relate to, and customers value its focus on inclusion. They appreciate the book's empathetic approach, with one customer noting how it helps readers see themselves and others differently.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book thought-provoking and insightful, containing studies and facts that expand their thinking and provide great nuggets for examining real-life bias.
"...Confronting and interrogating your why, your beliefs, and actions as you build better relationships with others and yourself, is essentially the..." Read more
"...In addition to being so incredibly useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I..." Read more
"...and human rights issues, it gave me tangible tactics, verbiage, and facts that I can use in sticker conversations, and share with people who are..." Read more
"...the more recently-learned things in a manner that is going to be incredibly helpful. I highlighted many sections—so many more than is my norm...." Read more
Customers find the book captivating and well-researched, describing it as a must-read for humankind.
"The Person You Mean to Be is an extraordinary book that helped me answer questions I’ve been grappling with for a long time...." Read more
"...and combines the author’s wisdom with vulnerability, making for a captivating read. Thank you. ❤️" Read more
"...My book of the year and excellent for everyone to read, except maybe Tucker Carlson." Read more
"A powerful, systematic, thoughtful, research-based dive into understanding bias and how to concretely respond to one of the biggest challenges of..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's storytelling ability, with its compelling personal stories that make it engaging and actionable for readers.
"...useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I’ve read...." Read more
"...when engaging in social and human rights issues, it gave me tangible tactics, verbiage, and facts that I can use in sticker conversations, and..." Read more
"...It’s hugely actionable, easily relatable, and combines the author’s wisdom with vulnerability, making for a captivating read. Thank you. ❤️" Read more
"...thoughtful, research-based dive into understanding bias and how to concretely respond to one of the biggest challenges of our time...." Read more
Customers praise the writing style of the book, finding it well-written and incredibly readable, with one customer noting that it is accessible for the layperson.
"...Her book is non-judgmental, but clear and straightforward...." Read more
"...in social and human rights issues, it gave me tangible tactics, verbiage, and facts that I can use in sticker conversations, and share with people..." Read more
"This was an easy read! Very practical and straightforward." Read more
"Thank you, Dolly. This book has given me the tools, the words, and the confidence to engage in those “tough” conversations with those whom we are..." Read more
Customers find the book straightforward and easy to relate to, providing concrete steps to take and serving as a personal guide.
"...Her book is non-judgmental, but clear and straightforward...." Read more
"...It’s hugely actionable, easily relatable, and combines the author’s wisdom with vulnerability, making for a captivating read. Thank you. ❤️" Read more
"This was an easy read! Very practical and straightforward." Read more
"...It’s real, of great substance that is easy to relate to and hard to refute...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's empathetic approach, with one customer noting how it helps readers see themselves and others differently, while another mentions how it explores various intersectional identities.
"...and facts, but frequently moments of laughter, you'll see yourself and others differently. This is a reference manual for fairness...." Read more
"...’s one of the many brainworms in this essential book about privilege, empathy, and bias...." Read more
"...finished reading this book and felt so encouraged by the stories, her perspective, and how it expanded my thinking and causes me to reflect on..." Read more
"...ideas for how to expand your horizons and act in a thoughtful, caring manner. Everyone should read this book...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's approach to inclusion.
"...It provided specific, tangible ways I can use my own privilege and power to make a difference...." Read more
"...in exploring and doing the deeper dive into diversity, equity, and inclusion. I was recommended this book by a friend and it did not disappoint...." Read more
"A powerful, practical book about how to address bias, diversity and inclusion..." Read more
"Crash course on diversity, equity & inclusion..." Read more
Reviews with images

A truly inspiring guide
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on January 19, 2025It has been five years since I had the pleasure of inviting Dr. Dolly Chugh to my organization to present at our leadership retreat. It was over five years since I read, The Person You Mean to Be. In all of that time, I am STILL quoting, using, and pushing people to read this book if they want and need to find an entrance point in being and doing better. Chugh’s book is written to help us all explore why we are not always showing up in our best selves and how we can do that more often. Her book is non-judgmental, but clear and straightforward. Through her own glorious mistakes, Dr. Chugh allows you to point a finger at her actions so you can point three at yourself. Confronting and interrogating your why, your beliefs, and actions as you build better relationships with others and yourself, is essentially the journey you are on while reading this book. I am so thankful that this resource and guide exists. Thank you.
-Shana Pyatt, Senior Director of DEI at Uncommon Schools
- Reviewed in the United States on September 4, 2018The Person You Mean to Be is an extraordinary book that helped me answer questions I’ve been grappling with for a long time. I am a true believer in equity, diversity and inclusion but have often found myself paralyzed by fear, discomfort and/or the sheer enormity of the problems facing the world. As hard as it is to admit, I have let too many opportunities slip by having done nothing to be a part of the solution. The Person You Mean to Be helped me stop beating myself up about it and showed me that there are things I can do each and every day to take meaningful action to fight injustice. It provided specific, tangible ways I can use my own privilege and power to make a difference. This book has changed the way I think and most importantly, it has changed the way I live my life. I am a total work in progress, but this book was the jumping off point I needed to activate my own growth mindset and set me on a path toward becoming meaningfully more active and impactful on the world around me.
In addition to being so incredibly useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I’ve read. I loved this book so much I bought 5 more copies for friends and family. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
The Person You Mean to Be is an extraordinary book that helped me answer questions I’ve been grappling with for a long time. I am a true believer in equity, diversity and inclusion but have often found myself paralyzed by fear, discomfort and/or the sheer enormity of the problems facing the world. As hard as it is to admit, I have let too many opportunities slip by having done nothing to be a part of the solution. The Person You Mean to Be helped me stop beating myself up about it and showed me that there are things I can do each and every day to take meaningful action to fight injustice. It provided specific, tangible ways I can use my own privilege and power to make a difference. This book has changed the way I think and most importantly, it has changed the way I live my life. I am a total work in progress, but this book was the jumping off point I needed to activate my own growth mindset and set me on a path toward becoming meaningfully more active and impactful on the world around me.
In addition to being so incredibly useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I’ve read. I loved this book so much I bought 5 more copies for friends and family. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.
Images in this review
- Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2020This book and the ideas within have become some of the post important tools in my life! (I underlined practically every sentence of this book!) As someone who is more “light” than “heat” (to use Dr. Chug’s words) when engaging in social and human rights issues, it gave me tangible tactics, verbiage, and facts that I can use in sticker conversations, and share with people who are looking for ways to improve and engage. The debunking of the “bootstrap theory”, outlining examples of headwinds and tailwinds, some of which are glossed over in history textbooks, (Ex: the inequality of the GI bill), the idea of “self identity threat” of “good people”, and the 20/60/20 rule of engagement, have come up in conversation about once a week. This book has also provided a safe space for me confront my own implicit biases. While reading, I started to clock and question some impulsive thoughts and reactions I have just walking down the street and improved my vision of the world and increased my empathy. This book is a necessity for all who consider themselves to be good people!!
- Reviewed in the United States on March 4, 2023I’m a cishet, allo, well-off, (recently) overweight, self-employed, atheist, middle-aged, white mother-of-two who has spent a lot of time learning about implicit bias and trying to do better. (I’m also a liberal, but I’m guessing you have already figured that out.) This book taught me new things and reframed some of the more recently-learned things in a manner that is going to be incredibly helpful. I highlighted many sections—so many more than is my norm. I’d recommend this to any and everyone who considers themselves a good person. It’s hugely actionable, easily relatable, and combines the author’s wisdom with vulnerability, making for a captivating read. Thank you. ❤️
- Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2019This was an easy read! Very practical and straightforward.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2022Did you ever have a book that takes forever to finish because you keep having to set it down to think about it? This one! There's a golden nugget every page. Full of studies and facts, but frequently moments of laughter, you'll see yourself and others differently. This is a reference manual for fairness. Bias, or filters as my friend Tom likes as a less pejorative term, are often baked in and unnoticed by us. My book of the year and excellent for everyone to read, except maybe Tucker Carlson.
5.0 out of 5 starsDid you ever have a book that takes forever to finish because you keep having to set it down to think about it? This one! There's a golden nugget every page. Full of studies and facts, but frequently moments of laughter, you'll see yourself and others differently. This is a reference manual for fairness. Bias, or filters as my friend Tom likes as a less pejorative term, are often baked in and unnoticed by us. My book of the year and excellent for everyone to read, except maybe Tucker Carlson.You'll see yourself and others differently.
Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2022
Images in this review
- Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2022A powerful, systematic, thoughtful, research-based dive into understanding bias and how to concretely respond to one of the biggest challenges of our time. The work never stops, as the author points out, but she serves as a role model and guide starting with her own vulnerable personal stories but also those of a remarkably diverse set of people across the social spectrum. I repeatedly found insights on how to better understand, anticipate and respond to the specific challenges I have often encountered along the way. I highly recommend this book.
- Reviewed in the United States on October 28, 2020I loved the tone and manner of delivery. It's exactly that manner that made the content accessible and helped me understand more fully what are the makings and perpetuations of bias. The author provides constructive encouragement by explaining our ability of willful awareness, of the growth mindset and makes it OK to open ourselves and our values, believes to self-threat.
If you feel surrounded by colleagues and friends who either seek exhausting affirmation of their moral solidity in the context of bias on one hand or by people feeling and acting threatened and defensive when challenged on the status quo on the other, this book may be the "oxygen" you've been seeking. It’s real, of great substance that is easy to relate to and hard to refute.
Dolly Chugh is doing great work and her voice and approach makes hot/untouchable topics accessible.
Top reviews from other countries
- KJMReviewed in Australia on September 19, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars A book for our times
This is a book I feel I have been waiting a long time for. I consult in the area of diversity and inclusion and I am always looking for ways to make conversations about such contentious subjects easier.
This book provides great insight into our relationship with difference. And it offers some simple, practical guidance about how we can have constructive, meaningful conversations to better understand how others experience their worlds. It gives insight into our own relationship to difference and how we can better support diversity. I have bought a number of copies to share with key people in my network to spread the word. And to make it easier for us to unite across our differences.
- MichelleReviewed in the United Kingdom on November 29, 2018
5.0 out of 5 stars Well written and thought provoking
Fantastic read! If you are looking at this book, you have already started so definitely recommend picking it up.