- My Story -

我的故事

 

Chapter 1

The Death of an Impossible Dream 

From the tender age of eight, melancholy wove its stars into the fabric of my life. Deep, existential contemplations about life's transient nature became my constant companions. My young mind, captivated by these musings, delved into the profound mysteries of existence. In these depths of reflection, I discovered music’s magnetic effects, a revelation that ignited a spark in my soul.

Around the age of ten, I discovered my natural singing ability, dreaming of a life as a music artist. However, this dream faced immense resistance. I grappled with a soul-tormenting dilemma: a burning desire to devote my life to music, contrasted by a deep-seated belief, instilled by those closest to me, that I lacked the talent. Their laughter and doubts, and concerns that I was chasing a delusion, cast long shadows over my aspirations. The belief that “I wasn’t a good enough singer, nor did I look the part,” became an unchallenged conviction for the next decade.

At sixteen, my parents sent me to a boarding school in the UK, recognising the importance of a global perspective. This move, despite leading to significant challenges like isolation from my family’s support, aligned with my childhood dreams of adventure, freedom, and independence. I am forever grateful for my parents' forward-thinking and liberal attitude, as they gave me the chance to eventually discover who I am, despite my path being laden with trials and obstacles.

In this new land, I found myself grappling with newfound autonomy, set against the backdrop of my cultural heritage. Amidst solitude and freedom, the seeds of my future in music began to take root, heralding a journey filled with profound challenges, growth, and transformations ahead.

 

Chapter 2

Freedom, Courage, and Reborn Religion

In the UK, my path initially echoed my Chinese upbringing's trajectory. I had always seen myself as a black sheep, but on reflection, I realised I was more like a sheep, following the herd to avoid the burden of personal responsibility.

After completing my A-Levels at a boarding school in North Somerset, I pursued a BSc in Economics and Sociology at the University of Manchester, followed by an MA in Media Management at the University of Stirling. Despite achieving good grades, I was just going through the motions, partially aware of my deeper aspirations, treading a path shaped more by others' expectations than my own choices.

My awakening began in London, with less than a year left on my visa amidst a job-stifling economic crisis. That's when I realised I hadn't felt true passion or happiness since music had been the magic in my world. Lost in a maze of 'shoulds,' I had unwittingly buried my childhood dream.

For two introspective years, I grappled with, "What do I really want?" Gradually, the answer emerged from my suppressed dreams: music. It had been buried so deep I almost forgot it existed. Acknowledging it, I started to see serendipitous events guiding me back to my passion.

In the early years of producing music and creating vocal demos, I was challenging the belief that 'I wasn’t good enough to be an artist.' The conviction that the universe would guide me if music were my calling was strong. Yet, I understood it required my initiative – the courage to try and the dedication to refine my craft.

Amongst the signs that emerged, meeting Tricky, my teenage idol, was most significant. His encouragement and belief in my unique talents were transformative. It felt like receiving a 'permission slip' to unleash my potential. From then on, nothing could hold me back. Music became a rebirth, a newfound religion that unveiled my true purpose. The thoughts of success or failure became irrelevant compared to the exhilarating joy of making music.

During this time, I developed an overinflated artistic ego to mask my insecurities and lack of self-confidence. Simultaneously, I juggled three jobs and a Ph.D. in Dubstep culture at King's College London. However, the realisation that this path was unsustainable for my music career led to a pivotal decision: I dropped out of my Ph.D. program to dedicate myself to music.

Securing my visa was a constant struggle in my first decade in the UK. Each year brought uncertainty, and the economic downturn only added to the challenges. Yet, the thought of returning to China, where I knew my artistic identity would be stifled, fuelled my determination to stay in the UK.

Finally, my perseverance paid off. Becoming a British citizen was more than a legal status; it was the freedom to pursue my art without constraints. This new chapter wasn't just a change of nationality; it symbolised the liberation of my artistic spirit and the beginning of my journey towards self-discovery and musical authenticity.

 

Chapter 3

Music vs Business

In the world of music, where art and business are inextricably intertwined, one faces a perpetual balancing act. Navigating this intricate landscape, where the artistic spirit and commercial interests often diverge, becomes an art form of its own. It's about preserving the essence of creative purity while simultaneously staying alive, staying afloat, and perhaps even thriving, according to one’s personal definition of success, all without compromising the integrity of one’s soul.

In the heart of London's dynamic music scene, my journey was marked by profound internal conflict. My efforts to align with a perceived path to success often clashed with the deeper truths in my heart, creating a debilitating cognitive dissonance. The loud voice of my ego, craving recognition and significance, often drowned out the heart's subtle whispers, leading me into years of despair where no achievement seemed adequate and no progress swift enough. I found myself caught in the relentless pursuit of an illusory success as defined by pop culture, industry standards, and societal expectations.

This period was characterised by intense depression and anxiety. Amidst the industry's fierce competition and fixation on metrics, I grappled with a sense of loss, questioning the essence of my pursuit in music. My lack of confidence and trust in myself led me down many detours, further away from my true path.

The year 2018 marked a turning point for me. Immersed in hundreds of books and attending meditation retreats, I emerged from the depths of depression and anxiety and began to untangle myself from the rat race mentality. This major awakening was transformative: I gained a peaceful inner space from stopping judging myself harshly. I learned to be kind to myself, to become my own ally rather than an adversary. My focus shifted back to the art of music, moving away from the ego's relentless demands to prove its worth and significance.

This change signalled a profound transformation in my life. I embraced a new mindset, stepping away from conventional success metrics and redefining what it meant to be an artist. This wasn't merely about my music; it was a holistic shift in my values, cognition, and worldview.

As I embarked on this renewed journey, I ventured into the world of Web3 in early 2021, which further catalysed my paradigm shift. This new realm opened my eyes to different possibilities and ways of thinking, setting the stage for the next chapter of my story. I was ready to delve deeper into these transformative experiences and their profound impact on my art and life.

 

Chapter 4: 

Paradigm Shifts in the new Blockchain Era

When I first discovered the world of Web3, and the possibility of music NFTs in the midst of pandemic 2021, what captivated me was the sense of creative freedom and the pioneering spirit of the blockchain technology. It was about decentralisation and the early adoption of a field with huge potential. The community mindset was refreshingly different; it was about win-win scenarios rather than the traditional hierarchical structures prevalent in the music industry. This space felt like a true digital renaissance, a gathering of like-minded, entrepreneurial artists who owned their work and sought a new way forward.

My artistic process underwent a significant transformation in this new era. No longer was I constrained by subconscious limitations like Spotify play-listing prospects or concerns about  shaping my art towards wider audience appeal. As the competitive pressure dissipated, my artistic visions and creations flourished. This space championed individuality and the fearless expression of one's true self. My too ‘out there’ East & West blended uniqueness that was once an issue for the industry to pigeon hole me, now cherished in the web3 culture. My creations became uninhibited, free from the conventional metrics of success and the constant numbers game. This liberation was the first step towards fully embracing my avant-pop music creation without second thoughts or internal conflicts.

Transitioning into this space radically shifted my artistic identity and how I viewed my work and my audience. It changed the paradigm from wanting to please the masses to attracting a niche audience that resonates with my art. I found myself reevaluating success, happiness, and my desires. The mental framework of chasing fame and 'making it' lost its allure as I grew to understand these goals no longer resonated with who I had become at my core.

In this new era, my definition of success became more soul-guided, inwardly focused on creative fulfilment, freedom, peace, joy, and abundance in love, friendship, family, and connections. This framework allowed me to maintain and enhance my artistic integrity, making art for art's sake and aligning more closely with the concept of fine art music.

The blockchain technology has been a permission slip, or a stepping stones, allowing me to align my growth with my life and career decisions. True freedom for me lies in the ability to adapt to fast-evolving technology, cultures, and circumstances. It's about not getting stuck in old ways and having the courage to re-examine, discard, and start afresh. This philosophy represents freedom in the mind, soul, societal expectations, cultural apprehensions, and material possessions, encapsulating my journey and growth in the ever-evolving world of new technology and beyond.

 

Chapter 5

My Artistic Evolution: Present & Future

Navigating the dynamic terrain of my artistic odyssey, I find myself at a crucial juncture where healing, artistic integrity, and legacy illuminate my path. My deep engagement with fine art avant-pop music is more than a passion; it's a commitment to crafting art that transcends cultural and temporal limits.

Art, for me, has always been an intimate exploration of self. It serves as a conduit to express and unravel the complex tapestry of my thoughts and emotions. This journey has matured into a harmonious blend of profound philosophy and introspection, weaving together the intricate threads of my Chinese heritage and Western influences.

My current focus involves a multidisciplinary approach, delving into subjects like history, fine art, philosophy, psychology, quantum physics, and metaphysics. This broad spectrum of knowledge enriches my art, contributing significantly to the cultural and artistic evolution of our shared human experience. It's a quest that melds philosophy, spirituality, and cultural movements, seeking a deeper understanding and a meaningful impact on the vast landscape of art.

This new phase in my career signifies a profound shift in values and perspective. Moving away from traditional notions of success, I'm redefining the essence of being an artist. This transformation brings my creations into closer alignment with my true self and my deepest artistic vision, fostering exploration and authenticity in my creative expression.

Looking ahead, I'm committed to a path that harmoniously blends personal authenticity with the ever-evolving story of my art. This journey is more than personal transformation; it's an invitation for shared discovery and growth. It's about crafting art that challenges cultural norms and celebrates the ephemeral beauty of existence.

As I embark on this new chapter, I approach the future with openness and humility, aware that while I play a role in shaping my destiny, it's also shaped by the universe's mysterious ways. I'm ready to embrace the unexpected, allowing my artistic evolution to unfold organically, guided by my endeavours and the unpredictable twists of life's journey.

 


我的故事

第一章:无望的梦想

我从小就是个感情丰富、爱沉思的孩子。在我幼小的心灵里,我经常沉浸在对生命本质的思考之中。在这些深邃的反思里,我逐渐发现了音乐对我灵魂的强烈吸引力,这成为了唤醒我内心深处火花的启示。

大约在十岁时,我发现自己天生具有唱歌的才能,开始梦想成为一名音乐艺术家。然而,这个梦想遭遇了巨大的阻力。我陷入了一种灵魂深处的挣扎:对音乐的热爱与深植于心的不自信之间的矛盾。周围人的嘲笑和怀疑,以及他们认为我追求的不过是一场幻觉,给我的志向蒙上了阴影。长久以来,我无法挑战内心的那个声音:“我唱的不够好,长得也不够漂亮。”

十六岁那年,我被父母送到英国的一所寄宿学校,这是一次迈向全球视野的重要一步。尽管这带来了诸多挑战,例如与家庭的隔离,但这符合我自幼对冒险、自由和独立的渴望。我非常感激父母的前瞻思维和开放态度,他们给了我最终发现自己的机会,尽管这条路充满了坎坷和障碍。

在这片新土地上,我开始体验到前所未有的自主性,同时也面临着文化传承的挑战。在孤独和自由中,我对音乐的未来憧憬开始逐渐萌芽,这预示着一个充满挑战、成长和变革的旅程即将展开。

 

第二章:重塑自我, 音乐重生

在英国,我的道路起初延续了我中国式的成长轨迹。我总以为自己是个特立独行的“黑羊”,但回想起来,我更像是一只跟随群体,以避免承担个人责任的“羊”。

在北萨默塞特的一所寄宿学校完成了我的A-Level课程后,我在曼彻斯特大学攻读经济学和社会学学士学位,随后在斯特林大学继续攻读媒体管理硕士学位。尽管成绩不错,但我只是按部就班地走过这些学术阶段,只是部分意识到我更深层的渴望,走的是一条更多受他人期望影响而非我自己选择的道路。

我的觉醒始于伦敦,在我的签证将于一年内到期且就业市场因经济危机而萎靡不振的情况下。那时我意识到,自从音乐为我的世界带来魔力以来,我就再也没有感受到真正的激情或幸福。迷失在一片“应该做”的迷宫中,我无意中埋葬了我的童年梦想。

在接下来的两年里,我不断自省,“我真正想要的是什么?”渐渐地,答案从我压抑已久的梦想中浮现:音乐。它被我埋藏得如此之深,以至于我几乎忘记了它的存在。当我认识到这一点后,我开始看到命运引导我回到我的热情所在。

在制作音乐和录制声音样本的初期,我挑战着“我不够格成为艺术家”的信念。我坚信,如果音乐是我的召唤,宇宙将会指引我。然而,我也明白这需要我自己的主动性——尝试的勇气和提升自己技艺的决心。

在出现的各种迹象中,遇见我少年时代的偶像Tricky是最重要的。他对我的独特才能的鼓励和信任,是变革性的。这就像给了我一张“许可证”,释放了我的潜力。从那时起,再也没有什么能阻止我了。音乐成为了一种重生,一种新发现的信仰,揭示了我真正的目的。相比于创造音乐的兴奋喜悦,成功或失败的想法变得无关紧要。

在这段时间里,我发展出了一种夸大的艺术家自负,以掩盖我的不安全感和缺乏自信。同时,我在伦敦国王学院攻读关于Dubstep文化的博士学位,并兼职三份工作。然而,我很快意识到,如果想认真对待我的音乐事业,这条路是不可持续的。我做出了重要的决定:放弃我的博士课程,全身心投入到音乐中。

在英国的头十年里,确保我的签证一直是一个持续的挑战。每一年都带来不确定性,而经济衰退只是增加了挑战。然而,返回中国的想法,我知道在那里我的艺术身份会受到束缚,这激发了我留在英国的决心。

最终,我的坚持得到了回报。独自在英国发展代表着我能够毫无约束地追求我的艺术。这个新篇章象征着我艺术精神的解放,标志着我走向自我发现和音乐真实性之旅的开始。

 

第三章:独立音乐生涯

在音乐的世界里,艺术与商业紧密交织在一起,这要求我们不断地寻找平衡。在这一错综复杂的领域里,艺术的精神与商业的利益常常发生碰撞。在这场游戏中保持创作的纯粹与同时维持生计,甚至根据个人对成功的理解去获得成就,这一切都不能失去灵魂的完整性。

在伦敦充满活力的音乐场景中,我的旅程充满了深刻的内部冲突。我努力追随一个看似通往成功的道路,但这往往与我内心的深层真理相悖。我发现自己陷入了流行文化、行业标准和社会预期所定义的虚幻成功的追逐中。

这一时期,我面临着音乐行业内部的激烈竞争和对成绩的过分关注。我开始质疑我在音乐中的追求本质,以及我自己在其中的位置。我对自己缺乏信心,这使我走上了许多迂回的道路。

2018年,我经历了一个转折点。在阅读了无数书籍并参加了冥想静修后,我开始从竞争激烈的心态中解脱出来,开始了一场重要的觉醒。我学会了如何更好地对待自己,成为了自己的盟友。我将注意力重新集中在音乐艺术上,远离了自我证明价值的无尽追求。

这种改变标志着我人生的深刻转变。我接受了一种新的思维方式,摒弃了传统的成功标准,重新定义了作为艺术家的意义。这不仅仅是关于我的音乐,而是关于我的价值观、认知和世界观的整体转变。

在我踏上这条更新的旅程时,我在2021年初进入了Web3的世界,这进一步促进了我的范式转变。这个新领域为我打开了不同的视角和思考方式,为我的故事的下一章做好了准备。我准备深入探索这些变革性经历及其对我的艺术和生活的深远影响。

 

第四章:Web3与思维革新

当我在2021年疫情之中首次发现Web3世界时,吸引我的是区块链技术带来的创造性自由和开拓精神。这是关于去中心化以及早期采用一个充满潜力的领域。社区的思维方式与音乐行业常见的传统层级结构截然不同,这里更多关于双赢的场景。这个空间感觉就像是一个真正的数字文艺复兴,聚集了志同道合、创业精神的艺术家们,他们拥有自己的作品并寻求新的前进方向。

在这个新时代,我的艺术过程经历了重大的转变。我不再受限于诸如Spotify播放列表前景或是如何塑造艺术作品以吸引更广泛观众的潜意识限制。随着竞争压力的消散,我的艺术视野和创作蓬勃发展。这个空间倡导个性化以及无畏地表达真实的自我。我那曾被行业难以界定的东西结合西方的独特性,在Web3文化中被珍视。我的创作变得无拘无束,摆脱了传统的成功度量标准和不断的数字游戏。这种解放是我完全拥抱我先锋流行音乐创作的第一步,不再有二心或内部冲突。

踏入这一领域,我的艺术身份和我对作品及观众的看法发生了根本性的变化。从迎合大众的模式转变为吸引与我的艺术产生共鸣的小众观众。我开始重新评估成功、幸福和我的愿望。追逐名声和‘成功’的心理框架失去了它的吸引力,因为我逐渐明白这些目标已不再与我内心的真实自我相符。

在这个新时代,我对成功的定义变得更加灵魂引导,更注重内在创造的满足、自由、平和、快乐以及在爱情、友谊、家庭和人际关系中的丰盛。这一框架使我能够保持并增强我的艺术完整性,为艺术本身而创作,更紧密地贴合我对精美音乐的理念。

区块链技术为我提供了一个许可证,或者说是跳板,让我将我的成长与生活及职业决策相对齐。对我而言,真正的自由在于适应快速发展的技术、文化和环境的能力。它关乎于不固守旧有的方式,并有勇气重新审视、放弃,并重新开始。这种哲学代表了在思想、灵魂、社会期望、文化顾虑以及物质财富方面的自由,包含了我在科技不断演进的世界和更广阔领域中的旅程和成长。

 

第5章:我的艺术演变

在我艺术旅程的动态景观中,我现在处于一个关键点,那里治愈、艺术完整性和遗产指引着我的道路。我与精美的先锋流行音乐的深度参与,不仅仅是一种激情;这是一种对制作超越文化和时间界限的持久艺术的承诺。

对我来说,艺术一直是自我深入探索的方式。它作为一种媒介来表达和解开我思想和情感的复杂层面。这一过程已经发展成为深刻哲学和内省的独特融合,将我中国的文化遗产与西方影响交织在一起。

我目前的重点是跨学科学习,如历史、美术、哲学、心理学、量子物理和形而上学,以丰富我的艺术,希望为我们共享的人类经验的文化和艺术成长作出贡献。这是一个将哲学、灵性和文化运动联系起来的旅程,旨在深入理解和对广阔艺术领域作出有意义的贡献。

这一职业新阶段标志着价值观和观点的深刻转变。摆脱传统的成功标准,我重新定义了作为艺术家的本质。这一转变使我的作品更紧密地与我真实的自我和最深刻的艺术愿景保持一致,鼓励在我的创造性表达中进行探索和真实性。

展望未来,我致力于一个平衡个人真实性与我艺术不断发展的故事的道路。这一旅程不仅仅关于个人的转变;这是一个共同探索和成长的邀请。它关于创造挑战文化常规和庆祝生存短暂之美的艺术。

当我踏上这新的篇章,我以开放和谦逊的心态面对未来,意识到虽然我在塑造我的命运,但它也受到宇宙神秘方式的影响。我准备好迎接未知,让我的艺术演变自然展开,由我的努力和生活旅程中不可预测的转折引导。