Tenacious is my word. It's what I have been called repeatedly by those who know me.

This is a post about what I have learnt from being me and what it takes to be me. I hope some insights are relevant and some of you relate.

Try - verb //: To make an attempt or effort to do something.

The most integral thing is that I tried. I tried because I believed in something and I gave everything to turn that belief into a reality.

I found a problem, one that was mine for many years, understood how it can be solved and decided I would solve it. Was I the right person to solve the problem though? I had no prior experience in retail or manufacturing or building an online brand or even understanding the finances it would take to do this, but I went ahead, willing and eager to learn along the way. And in supreme confidence thought that I could learn and build together. 

And I learned and how. If I knew everything I know today, I would redo all of it and do it faster, better and smarter to make a “success” of what I started to build.

And that’s what trying means. It means giving it all you have, learning everything you can and applying it. Sometimes you learn quickly enough to survive and make it big, and sometimes the learnings come from hindsight. And yes, hindsight is a bitch, but only when you want her to be. Else she is the MOST precious of learnings you will ever have. 

When it all went the way it shouldn't have and no matter how things turned out, the one thing that keeps me standing tall is that I tried. If I hadn’t, THAT would have been my failure. 

So am I “successful” then? YES. Because I had the courage to not only try, with nothing but a conviction of knowing it would be worth it, but I also had the courage to go on over and over again, in the face of challenges that never stopped coming, throughout the past 5 years of my life.

And that is what, WE (the ones who try and give it all) must be proud of. 

We tried. :)

But we all know trying is not enough. There is a lot more at play to reach the heights we set out to.

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Mistake - verb //: To be wrong about //: an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result

How many mistakes were made and what was the ultimate one?

I pondered over this so many times and for so long that I sometimes felt my mind would explode will all the self-flagellation. 

But it needed to be done. The introspection. Of course not with an “I f**ked up” thought process but, with a “what did I learn” mindset. It’s tough, trust me, to make that shift in thinking, but once you get past it, you feel empowered like never before. And today, I am able to write this, because of that empowerment. 

Here are a few and I’ll eventually get to the ULTIMATE one.

1. Change your course to go with the trend — I started out being an omnichannel brand and got caught in the E-commerce trap. Buttercups was NOT an e-commerce platform or to be a pure-play online brand. It was driven by our CORE, Bra fittings, which needed an Offline play, always. Then why did I get carried away in making my metrics match those of other multibrand e-commerce companies?? When I had not raised money enough to do that either?! Because it's easy to get caught up in trends, especially when competitors in the space are playing the different and bigger tune. Lesson learnt: Stick to your core. Don't let market, competition/VC trends change that core.
2. No inventory heavy business can survive on Angel money — Our very first model was so inventory-heavy, we still carried some of that inventory with us when we sold a few months back. Luckily, we had a product line that did not have an expiry factor (except depreciation), but that does not mean you hoard inventory. But we did manage to work around this inventory problem by 2018, only it was too late by then. Lesson learnt — Start a business ONLY after you crack the inventory management piece to keep inventory to a bare minimum. 
3. Founder Equity is Sacroscant — at least till your Series A/B. While in the interest of keeping the fires burning at buttercups, I was happy to keep diluting, it was one of the key factors when I went to raise a Series A, for being turned down. I held too little equity for the small raise I had done. Lesson learnt — Don’t dilute your founder equity. Fight for that valuation even in angel rounds. 
4. And now the ULTIMATE one - DON’T RAISE TOO LITTLE MONEY. This was our undoing. We raised too little too many times. We should have started out with more to begin with or not started at all. Yes. IF you don't start with enough, don't start out, especially in trying to build a brand. That goes against the "bootstrap" philosophy, but trust me, it's the ONE lesson I learnt well. I got carried away with the mindset of "just launch the product", "show people the brand is loved", "show some traction and money will come, if you have a great product". Well, no. That is JUST not how it works.

This was the hardest lesson learnt. Funding depends on a LOT more than putting out a great product and having customers love it. It takes timing, getting to the right people at the right time, the market, the space and sometimes just sheer luck.

And sometimes, even if just one of those things is missing, that "money will come" doesn't happen.

That is why starting with enough to be able to make a few mistakes is VERY important. There are many other smaller lessons as well, but to me, these are the ones that were important to have gotten right. 

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Luck - verb //: the force that causes things, especially good things, to happen to you by chance

Sometimes you can get everything right, but LUCK... just luck can put you out.

I have learned strongly, over the past 5 years, to believe in LUCK.

Yes, hard work and giving it your best IS needed, but a little bit of luck changes everything. But, Richard Branson said it too. And we all know it.

Some of us are born lucky, some of us get lucky as time goes by and for some of us, luck will always be elusive. But, that doesn't mean we say “damn our luck” and don't try. It means we say “well, I’ll need to do it 10 times harder to make up for the lack of luck” and give it our best shot. 

I believe even with Buttercups, somewhere luck remained elusive. But that is what made me work harder, try much harder and keep at it, till I realized that I had emptied myself out trying and I couldn’t do anymore. 

It also takes courage to say that you are done and recognize when to step back. That is the bravest you will ever be. To say I gave it all, but it still needs more and I don't have more to give.

To finally say that it’s time to move on. The courage it takes to say that, that courage is something else. And this applies not only to our business but also to our personal lives.

We stay and stay in places and relationships, just because we don't have the courage to admit it's time to move on. To decide to close the curtains on that chapter of your life, that defined you for years. To step away and look at it as a beautiful experience, which taught us so much and gave us so much, but has now come to end and must be left behind.

The harder part is to heal from the loss of identity you feel, at letting go something that was part of you or was you, for some of us. To always bear in mind that you tried your very best, but you needed that little luck, which was not yours to be, and that is why it is ok.

But sometimes, it is that hard, courageous call that saves you. The final decision to move on and build another identity again.

And to hope that this time, luck will not elude you. But it will be by your side.

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Success - verb //: the accomplishment of an aim or purpose

So what did I set out to do with Buttercups?

I set out to bring better bras and a better bra experience to women in India. And if that was my aim & purpose and I know I managed to do this, thanks to the hundreds of testimonials I have from the customers whose lives Buttercups changed.

So then I am a success, am I not?

And the bigger proof came when I received 500+ customer emails written to me directly, telling me how life-changing Buttercups had been for them and how they didn’t know where to go now. 

And THAT was what started the healing. And finally helped to stop the constant self badgering I was giving myself. Because success is not measured ONLY by money, it is measured by what you set out to do and how well you did you it.

Success is also measured in who you brought along with you on the journey and how they remained by you. 

The second step in my healing — my team. They stood by me like a rock, even while I crumbled. That is success. To have made a family of my colleagues and to have had their support through it all. To have them say they couldn't work with anyone else, having worked together so well with me and each other. For them to have waited for 3 months more than they should have, until I finally said we were done, in hope that something would come along and things would change.

Success is also measured by the support of the people who backed you. And the kind words, respect, and care they showed. It is in these true Angels that I found what I needed. The validation they gave me that I had given my best and more than was expected. It was their kindnesses in words and actions that were the third and final step in my healing.

So yes, while financial success is VERY important (business is about making money after all), there are other successes along the way that we must consider, to realize that it wasn't all lost. 

I am able to write these today because I have healed. And it was hard. This path of healing. But, I walked through it and came out to the other side though with scars, but ones which I will cherish.

I'll stop here with this...

No matter how it ended, no matter how hard it was, it was well worth the journey.

And to have the courage to pick up from here again came from these measures of success. I have learnt a LOT from the mistakes, and am on a new journey again and this time I intend to lure luck, seducing it with the tenacity in me.